HanaYuno

The reason why I left deviantart for years... Hi I am Eva. I am 27 now. I spend some time on this website when I was a teenager. Beeing a teen really sucked! I just acted like happy-go-lucky especially here. But deep down I was not allways happy. With 16 I went away from home to go to a different school 2 hours away from my parents. I was an awkward shy person. I didn't know how to get people of my class to like me so I never talked with them and just mostly sat alone. I did have friends, 2 good ones who were in my school but not in my class. They loved Anime like I did. They liked drawing like I did. I felt like I could be myself and grow with them. I spent my lunchbreaks with them, we texted, we talked... When I was happy and with my friends I was loud and funny and giggling. When I was alone I was quiet. In my class I was allways quiet. I got this huge crush on a guy then and he was stupid. When he was only with me and my friend he talked to me. When he met me somewhere in school he looked away and didn't even greet me. I had a crush on him for I think 2 years or more but in the end he just did not return my feelings. I was heartbroken. And my friends didn't want to talk with me about boy-stuff And when I couldn't handle my pain anylonger I was mean to my friends, I was angry because they didn't care. They knew, but they just ignored it. Then they got fed up with me and angry at me. I apologized but the friendship was over. My grades fell and my parents were not happy about that. My mum told me I should quit school because I was not good enough. And the relationship with my mum got really bad, I was 18 and she still hit me and screamed at me when she got angry. I felt heartbroken, I felt like my friends didn't want me, like my parents didn't love me. I was so lonely. One friend I managed to get back, but the relationship was never the same, but the other friend hated me, she took my apology but told me that she didn't see us becoming friends again-ever. I think I was depressed back then. (My other friend was really depressed she had to quit school for a year.) BUT since I had no friends left, I actually started talking to the people in my own class and told them about stuff and they were really nice and gave me advice.Then I met Dominik who is my boyfriend since almost 6 years now, and slowly I got better. My grades were better and I finally finished my school. I started working... well and looking back I still get really sad when thinking about my teenage years but I learned to look on brighter sites. There are things I am bad at, my room is allways a mess instead of neat and tidy, I forget to water my plants, I spend to much money on clothes, I buy to many cosmetic producs... Or doing things last minute. (procrastinating untill I forget there is something I did not do) There are things I learned to to, like beeing punctial everytime, staying calm in stressful situations, beeing a little bit more confident, beeing less stubborn. But then again there are things I am really good at. My coworkers praise me for beeing creative, for crafting decoration, for drawing good (people who can't draw allways say that but they have no idea how good really good drawers and artists actually are) Beeing good at sewing and crochet, and they say I am good at singing! Well I still love Anime, but atm I enjoy watching Korean Dramas on Netflix^^. I love everything Disney, and Disney songs and Tchaikovsky music is still my favourite music. I love things that are from my childhood, like shows I watched as a kid like Digimon. I still play Animal Crossing New Horizon... and Pokemon. The relationship to my mum is now really good and she is often like my best friend and I allways ask her for her advice. Some good things happened over the last 5 years, and some bad. My dad got lung cancer and died within 6 months. I still put on a smile and try to be(come) a happier and better person. Now I work with kids, and in a year I want to apply for a studium... I consider becoming a teacher for drawing and maby crafting? Or Bio? Or sports? It's still in the clouds. I plan on uploading things on youtube. Anyway that is what has happened over the last I would say 5-10 years. Including the reason why I stopped uploading on this site, I just held to many sad memories with it.